Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Types Of Facial Hair You Should Avoid

Forehead 'Stache
This is a mugshot, which is very appropriate for this crime against good taste.

Monkey Tail Beard
 The first thing I think when I see this monstrosity is I hope the doctors don't give him the protective apron when he gets x-rays. I want that sperm's power annihilated by radiation. The second thing I think is anus mouth. No one wants to kiss anus mouth. I hope.

Porn 'Stache
 Your mustache makes you look like you wanna get with jailbait or a woman who works under the name Cherry Poppins. If you see this 'stache on a dude, hide yo kids and yo wife.

Asymmetrical Beard
 Congratulations, a-hole! You look like your friends punked you when you passed out after drinking too much Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Soul Patch
 Every time I see a one of these I think of some sensitive a-hole playing Hey, Soul Sister on an acoustic guitar. That's bad. Then I think of committing a felony against him with his own instrument.
That part is good.

Dreadlock Beard
 This beard probably smells of patchouli and is bound together with seitan. Yuck. It also reminds me that I really need to brush my cat's hair more. Before she gets nasty-a** cat dreads.

Overly-Manicured
 This guy thinks he looks FINE. If he wasn't a wannabe gang-banger, I'd really set him straight.

Really, REALLY Overly-Manicured
 OH THE HUMANITY! It's like a boy band and tribal tattoo had a baby
that I really wanna punch in the face.

Amish Beard (When You're Not Amish)
 This goes for Abe Lincoln beards when you're not Abe Lincoln as well. If you use electricity and haven't emancipated the slaves, STOP IT!

Peach Fuzz
 If you're a girl or a boy or a Bieber...get rid of the lip fuzz. It makes us question your gender.

This post sponsored by:
Dr Mobiles Limited
1 Huron Street, Takapuna, North Shore 0622
Tel: (09) 551-5344 and Mob: (021) 264-0000
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